An Bit of Honesty

(Kim here) This is going to be a rather personal blog rather than a family one. Now that my first month is over I would like to be honest about how it has gone for me. Many people ask and for those who know me, I don't always want to be totally honest so that others won't worry about me. I confess, I've been evading the answer to "how is it going for you?" quite successfully. For the most part I have done well: my body has adjusted to the heat much quicker than I had expected (I even wear jeans now and then!); I haven't had too much problem with the food, although I definately don't eat as much as I did at home; the ex-pats I've met have been very gracious to us; we've settled in and made our house a home as much as transportation and our budget has allowed; I've learned of various jobs that I may be able to participate in over time. Tris loves his job and is enjoying it more than I have seen him enjoy it in years; Matthew and Abby are settling in and are already experiencing the typical scenarios that would happen in any school setting, and they still look great in their uniforms!! Although all seems good, as I told a woman today, there is a thin veneer that I have had to put up in order to make it this far. This brings me to last week...

Up until last week I have been bored and kind of lonely, but it hit me around week four: I am in a foreign country, I don't really know anybody (that is a lie, but it was my emotion at the time...God has already blessed me with good friends), my family is far away, my nieces and nephews are going to grow up without me being a significant part of their lives, my girlfriends get to go for walks and coffee without me (and I don't even drink coffee), and somebody else lives in my house and is enjoying my backyard in the summer time. They may even be changing things in the house, things that WE built or painted or at least fixed up. On Tuesday I had a lunch cancellation and normally something like that wouldn't bother me too much...people have lives outside of mine and I'm okay with that. However, it triggered that feeling of loneliness that says I'm here but I don't want to be. This is the day that I went and did some shopping therapy. I walked a few kms to the mall and found a few things, like the Third Day cd for $4. At one point I had to stand up for myself at a post office where the guy was trying to rip me off. Don't try and rip off a lonely-feeling buleh (white/foreign) woman...you won't win. I had to cross a street that has brought fear and trembling to me...I will now admit weeks later that when I first came here I almost got hit by an Ojeg...a motorbike with 2 people on it. My fault, and I promise I won't do it again. Anyways, I crossed the street and once I got home, I felt that life was okay again.

The very next Thursday I had another cancellation, and this time I cried. I cried over the list of things I've just written, and I cried because I know I can't go home. I don't really want to go home, but to know that I am here and I cannot leave for 2 years, cannot see many of the ones I love for 2 years, is really difficult. I'm actually starting to get tears writing this, and at this point I am doing okay. What I think has happened is that I held it together pretty darn good, maybe too good, while in Canada and now, as I had predicted, I need to "mourn" my losses even as I gain in this new life that God has obviously brought us to. After I cried, I prayed, and God always hears me. He showed me a picture of me laying on my bed (made up nice and tidy by my helper...) and while I was crying, He was just sitting there beside me with his hand on my back. This may sound weird to some of you, but I believe God gives us pictures sometimes to comfort us, and Jesus was comforting me when I really needed it.

Today is a new day, and it has been a good one. A woman named Esther has started a study based on a book called "After the Boxes are Unpacked...Moving on after Moving in" by Susan Miller and the first day was today. Esther lived in Korea for 5 years and then moved here last year, and this study helped her through her 2nd year in Korea. There are about 8 ladies who will be working together on this, and when I looked at the group attending today, each lady there was one that I have said to myself at some point "I'd like to get to know her better." As wise Candace said to me tonight "it's funny how God does that, isn't it?" I was able to spend a good afternoon with a young mom (who reminds both Abby & I of Naomi) and I feel blessed. Today was a great day. I can do this, and I have a great husband who is in this with me, as well as two kids who think that being here is such an opportunity for them...very wise children I have.

God has a plan and a purpose for my life, plans to prosper me and not to harm me. That's his promise.

Thanks for reading.